TTR - 2024 Draft

Away we go…I’ve been working on this since the end of the draft. I took the ManChild 2024 draft results and ran them through countless draft analyzers: PFF, FantasyPros, ESPN, RotoWire, RotoTrade, Roto Master, Masterbater, Fantasy Focus, you name it…I paid almost as much to have our draft analyzed as we did for a round of shots at the Chandelier Bar. I augmented the so-called pro opinion with my own proprietary, advanced metric that I lovingly call the “Fantasy Upside Centric Kumite” or F.U.C.K. rating which accounts for the humidity at the time of the pick and factors in how many Twisted Teas vs High Noons the manager consumed in the past 47-minutes and escalates that by the K/D ratio the selected player has in Modern Warfare 3. 

Who am I kidding, the ManChild draft was a rare respite in a world where the grind is grinding and life is moving faster than Bo Callahan’s slide down the draft board. I’ve barely thought about fantasy football or the results of the draft since leaving Clark County. With that being said here is a totally authoritative and scientifically rigorous review of the 2024 ManChild Goats draft: golf edition.

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A fantasy draft is like playing in the U.S. Open. The goal is to minimize mistakes, keep the ball in the middle of the fairway, aim for par, and take advantage of the rare opportunity to go low. If you get too courageous or make a mistake the rough that is as thick as Brett’s former beard or the greens that are smooth as…you know…really smooth…will punish you. 

Goats, here are your 15-round scores…starting from worst to first…

Call Me Zaddy (+12): Pittman and Strout were reaches, a D/ST in Round 9, Justice Hill a round later, and 2 kickers…oh my!!

The Bed Wrestlers (+10): a WR catching balls from Gardner Minshew or Aiden O’Connell (even if that WR is Davante Adams) in Round 2, AJ Dillon in Round 6, and a Kicker in 7 are a disastrous formula. I do like Daniels in 14, but that is too little, too late. 

Brevor’s Bretter Half (+9): I abhor early QBs and D/STs and Brett broke both rules…badly…by Round 7!!! Couple that with K.J. Osborn and Cordarelle Patterson and this team is starting off in shit-town. I will say that Jeudy in 14 is an absolute steal. 

The Bad Hombres (+8): when you don’t show up for the draft, you get punished, one way or another, absenteeism has a way with you. Whether it’s power naps, going degenerate during the break, medically induced comas, or work trips to Asia, this seems to be a fact. It came back to bite Angel, Tucker in 4, Mattison in 5, and a D/ST a tad too early put the Champ at an early disadvantage.

Kupp Check (+6): Kamara in 4 is reachy, but not egregious. Z got KC happy with Butker and the Chiefs D/ST in 10 and 11. Otherwise, this is a decent draft, anchored by solid picks, highlighted by the best late-round pick of the draft…Rodgers in 15.

2 Flushes (+5): Grue put up a decent, if not unexciting draft. I am not a huge fan of Chris Olave in the 2nd, especially with Derek Carr at QB, but there is a narrow path to Round 2 numbers…although unlikely. 

VonMeez4Prez (+4): I gave the minimal penalty for the early Mahomes and kicker picks. I also felt Diggs was a reach in 4, but probably a low-risk reach. I especially like the Dionte Johnson, Romeo Doubs, Kendre Miller run in the 10-12 rounds. 

John Wick’s Dog (+4): Another straightforward, by the book, draft. I hate Koo in 12, but the fact that I didn’t draft a kicker, at all, shows how highly I view the position. Am I sounding like a broken record yet?

Boyz II ManChild (+3): Jason waiting for an RB until Round 3 was truly a shocker, and I am not sure I am ready for a world where J doesn’t have a formidable RB stable, but it wasn’t out of line. In fact, the Chase Brown, Blake Corum, Trey Benson series of picks may be a late-round push for at RB. Only the early Dicker pick marred his draft card.

Catalina Wine Mixon (+2): If Marvin is indeed marvelous then there isn’t much to dislike about Brandon’s draft (and I wouldn’t hate it, see my QB situation), but putting your second pick in the hands of a rookie is always dicey, even if he has Hall of Fame pedigree.

Michael Penix No Matter What (+1): it’s my draft mutha suckas, why would I hate on it. Anything better than drafting 7 kickers or having a proxy that confuses Salvon Ahmed for Saquon Barkley is a cake walk for my master-level fantasy football managerial skills.

Travis My Ass Hero (+1): the duo kicked off the early QB run and then proceeded to have a mistake free draft. Which is par for Travan, maybe this is the year the draft isn’t the highlight for the co-managed team…probably not though!

I’m not even gonna proof read this rambling, most-likely totally inaccurate and definitely biased work. It was a great draft and an even better Vegas trip.

All Hail ManChild!

0.5 Commish, Out.