TTR - Week 11

TTR Week 11

Turkey Day Toilet Reading

You'll have to excuse my lateness in my week off I've been going full goblin mode at home. I stay in bed until almost noon, I eat copious amounts of junk food and I watch bullshit on my phone. If I were also sports betting it'd be some prime ManChild activities. That being said, in the spirit of the season I'd like to say that I'm thankful for you guys and this league. It really feels like a band of brothers. The past couple of years were pretty rough for me personally and having this distraction and outlet has meant a lot. Now onward to better things, like shit talking you losers.

The Bad Hombres vs. Butt Plug - Winner: The Bad Hombres

I really gotta stop complimenting Angel it's gone to his head. He's been shit-talking anyone and everyone for weeks on end now and it has to stop. Was my team up for the challenge of shutting up the defending champion? Absolutely not. Something you guys may not know about me, but I'm an absolute sports doomer about things I care about. I'm that guy, that when the opposite team scores first will rage, "That's it, game over, just turn it off." Very annoying. That being said my boys shit the bed. My kicker got ZERO and my RB1, and WR2, 3 didn't do much better. Oh and my backup QB tried to hide an injury and paid the price, WONDERFUL. I'm expecting better next week. Angel had another strong week. CMC and Aiyuk had a TD within like 10 minutes of the game starting. Jalen Hurts vultured a TD. Honestly, the only weak point is TE. Someone, PLEASE beat this man.

Kupp My Balls vs. Champ Stamp - Winner: Kupp My Balls

Zak is that midwestern dad who stands out on the porch and says, "Ah, we needed this" when it rains. Zak needed a win and he finally got one. Strong performances by Cook, Robinson, and Moore helped make that birthday wish come true. Zak has also been riding that dominant Cowgirl all season and she has delivered once again. There is the stinging loss of Mark Andrews to contend with though. I'm not sure if you've seen the waiver wire lately but it is BLEAK. Speaking of bleak...I honestly stopped and laughed when I looked at the Commish's numbers. I thought the Garrett Wilson -0.10 was a midgame stat that would be rectified. It was not. That's wonderful, Worst Team is going to be LIT this week. If only you had opened up and allowed Calvin Ridley into your starting lineup he would have been your savior. While I appreciate your commitment to trash-talking each week, I gotta say, it's getting dire. I'll let 0.5 run the numbers because he knows the rules better.

Uncle Mooseknuckle vs. Boys II Manchild - Winner: Boys II Manchild

Blas has been tumbling down for a few weeks now. It wasn't even a bad bye week, your team just sucked this week. Lamar Jackson was the only one who put up a fight. You need to check 0.5's team name in Rudy and "Do Better Blas". If you have any Mexican Magic left, now is the time to use it. J's win was bittersweet. While he improved his lead to a full game, he lost Cooper Kupp. Is it for a week? Is it for the season? Who knows with him. Breakfast at Stafford's won't save him. There's also your RB situation, which is, to add some nuance, mostly shit. You have ETN and a bunch of people I'd maybe flex. There is cause for hope though, if you look up "season saver" in the dictionary, you'll see a picture of Tank Dell. Great pickup. You're going to need him in the coming weeks

0.12 is how we DU(I) vs. MoBettaButta's - Winner: MoBettaButta's

The two most annoying names to type battle it out this week. Yes, I am going to bitch about that every week, thanks for asking. Well boys you did it, you joined the I Lost To Andy Club. We meet every Tuesday at 8 PM behind the dumpster of your local Arby's. Refreshments are served. It feels real bad doesn't it? Take that feeling, relish it, and use it to inspire your boys to do better. I know you guys joked about starting Dobbs over Mahomes going forward, but you actually should have and I find that hilarious. It wasn't really his fault though his receivers all had a terrible case of the dropsies. It's also not your fault that Burrow decided to hide a crippling injury leaving Jamar Chase to catch passes from Generic White QB #57. The phrase, "I'd rather be lucky than good" reigns eternal. Alright Andy let's listen up, you won a game last week, AND you another game this week, that's 2 in a row, if you win one next week, that's called a winning streak, it has happened before. So see some HUSTLE. Let's JACK IT UP A LITTLE. I have a feeling things are going to turn around for you.

Travis My A$$ Hero vs. John Wick's Dog - Winner: John Wick's Dog

I cannot WAIT to put AJ Brown on Worst Team, he likely caused you guys to lose. That and starting Same Howell over Justin Herbert was certainly a choice. I don't know which one of you decides who to start and who to bench, but that one needs to be fired. The 4 players on your bench who played nearly matched your 9 starter's total. Truly a feat to behold. I don't know if it's better to only have 9 startable guys on a team or actually be cursed with too much talent and have trouble figuring out who to start every week. We'll be waiting for that crying video. Josh, how much were you sweating during that Monday Night game? Were you sweating like a dog? Anyway, great win this week, although yours too is bittersweet with Achane injuring himself in his first game back. The Keenen Allen Express keeps on rolling though as he continues to have a career year. Not even the Chargers Chargering can bring him down. You retain your title as King of Shit Mountain, although one of the other two chucklefucks in your division had to win this week...

The Bed Wrestlers vs. Discount Double Choke - Winner: Discount Double Choke

I love what a messy schizophrenic mess of a team Matt has. One week they're chewing paint chips and the next week they're dominating on the field. Fortunately for Matt this was domination week. Trevor Lawrence and Saquon Barkley absolutely manhandled their opponents putting up an average of 30 points. With Mike McDaniels out of the way, the Raiders finally realized that Davante Adams is good and maybe they should throw the ball in his direction. Things are looking up. Just don't get smart and start Gardner Minshew again or your boys will long for the cool taste of the paint. Garret, Tyreek, and Kelce cannot carry an entire team for an entire season, they need a supporting cast. Especially now that Aaron Jones is out for a while. I'd say pick up a better QB but having just looked at the waiver wire you're going to have to trade for one. The situation is dire.

Worst Team

QB M. Stafford 11.6

RB Aaron Jones 2.2

RB Kenneth Walker 2.3

WR G. Wilson -0.1

WR AJ Brown 1.3

FLEX C. Kupp 1.6

TE Mark Andrews 3.3

K G. Zuerlein 0

D/ST Minnesota 4

TOTAL: 26.2

The only skill position not due to injury was Stafford. Sad ram noises. Anyway, on this grand day don't forget to enjoy your time. Think about what you're thankful for. Like football and gluttony. Spend some time with your family. Drink 2 bottles of wine. Start arguments over politics. Throw a nasty stiff arm at your 10-year-old nephew during the family pigskin game because he called you old. Pass in the street and most importantly,

ALL HAIL MANCHILD