TTR - Week 12

Kickers also sucked this week. In fact Seibert came back from injury, hit all his kicks then WENT ON IR. Good shit. Anyway, the big story is that we're getting to the end of the season and all the wacky playoff scenarios are starting to rise to the surface. I'm not going to lie, I love this shit. It makes me watch all the scores instead of just mine. I need to calculate, on-the-fly, how many percentage points a single game can impact my chances of playing with the big boys this year. We also narrowly avoided our annual tie-breakers discussion. Rest assured though Matt, it's coming. 

Kupp Check vs. VonMeez4Prez: Winner VonMeez4Prez

With an arsenal of a gorilla, a tyrannosaurus rex and a baby sheep, how can Chris possibly lose? Letting his man have Saquon AND Henry was criminal and we should all be held liable. Yeah, Saquon dropped 44 points on national TV, that's the game. Although arguably it was over before then. Mahomes decided he actually wanted to play competently and the rest of the crew was good enough. Zak started Darius Slayton and I went to check who he should have started on the bench and uhh, yeah, this was the best pick on his roster. This WAS the ideal lineup and it couldn't muster 75 points. Also, Dobby is now a dead elf. You're lucky you get Josh next week or else you'd be in trouble. 

Brevor's Better Half vs. The Bed Wrestlers: Winner Brevor

This one was actually LESS close than the 40-point difference makes it look. Jayden Daniels dropped 20 points in the final 5 minutes of the game to give Garrett something to cheer about. Everyone on Brett's team showed up and everyone (except Jayden) on Garrett's team didn't, that's the tale of the game. Although I'm not sure how much "showing up" Garrett's team could do this week. Jaylen Warren, Isaiah Likely, and Demario Douglas are all 2nd fiddle guys. Actually Douglas might be WR1 in New England but he hasn't scored double digits in a month and a half. This is loss #6 in a row for Garrett. You're cooked my dude. Brett is working hard to stay in the GOATS and has a solid team to do it. Kyren Williams has even had a down couple of weeks. Thanks, Brett, you're a real one, I needed this W from you. 

Kirko' 2 Canes vs. The Bad Hombres: Winner Kirko' 2 Canes

With Josh Allen on the bench and CMC doing light work, this was the week to beat Trevan (Actually it was last week and I fucked it up). Unfortunately for Angel, Tua played like a man who HASN'T had 15 concussions, and his favorite target was Waddle. Angel has been a staunch shit-talker most of the season but now that reality is setting in, the excuses come out. "Oh, it's not my fault, the proxy drafted a kicker and a 3rd string RB" 1) It was a good kicker. 2) That RB is still on your team. So you have no one to blame but yourself. Trevan rolls on and it looks like BestFriend Bowl is all but inevitable. Trevan wouldn't suffer ANOTHER first-round exit, would they? No. Would they? Surely not...

Razor Bearclaw Stinger vs. 2 Flushes: Winner 2 Flushes

Thank you Quentin Johnston, your sacrifice did not go unnoticed. I was sweating the entire game. I didn't even want to watch it but my fiance had 2 players in the Monday Night game so I had to watch. I felt pretty good after the half and then slowly started getting hopeful. Those last couple drives were stressful though. Herbert just kept throwing to him and then he just kept dropping it. Then the final drive got extended by 27 pass interference penalties and the whole time I'm a single TD pass away from losing. Tense stuff, but the better team won out. Looking at the scores side-by-side is crazy. Jeff has a wall of solid performances and I have...Houston. Fun fact, if we both started our ideal lineups, Jeff would have beaten me by 0.05. I definitely would have broken something. 

Puka Nacua Matata vs. Catalina Wine Mixon: Winner Puka

In the closest game of the week Cory was able to barely hold off Brandon to stay alive in the playoff hunt. The only standout performance from either team is actually Courtland Sutton. It just came down to Cory's boys executing a little better. My only roster question is who the hell is Xavier Legette? I know he's on the bench but I have literally never heard of this man before. Maybe that's why I'm on the bubble and haven't clinched shit yet. This entire division is up for grabs and it's going to come down to the final game. Also, Cory, if you could throw the game next week, just for funsies, that'd be appreciated. Thanks King. 

DID JOSH WIN?? Answer: No

It's nice when I can just leave this title here untouched. I'm struggling to really sum this game up. Yes, Josh Jacobs had a huge game, yes, Puka is back with a vengeance putting up respectable numbers in a shitty game for the Rams. Yes, Jahmyr Gibbs is starting to put up big numbers again, but I think it comes down to this. Jason has started snorting the Bo-caine and Josh is still on a bad ayahuasca trip. Bo Nix is HIM and Aaron Rodgers shouldn't be on anyone's roster. 

Worst Team

QB Goff 13.45

RB Benson 1.8

RB Robinson 2.9

WR Slayton 0 

WR Johnston 0 

FLEX Tillman 1.8

TE Likely 0

K McLaughlin 5

D 49ers 4

TOTAL: 28.65

Reminder, there is football every day this week starting on Thanksgiving. Don't forget to set your lineups accordingly. At this time of year, I think it's appropriate to reflect on the things I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for big titties. I'm thankful for garage beers. I'm thankful for a bunch of shit-talking degenerates who constantly make fun of each other while occasionally talking about fantasy football. But enough about my work friends, 

ALL HAIL MANCHILD