TTR - Week 12

I'm back bitches. I feel some guilt for ditching the TTR for a little bit but who amongst us hasn't gone on a monthlong bender. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. My Mexican counterpart and I are in full solidarity. Meaning he too couldn't be fucked to write a TTR during this time either. But then he surprise dumps a new TTR on me this morning so here I am, back again. I hate surprise dumps.

This week was a weird one, both in terms of the NFL and Manchild. I'm so glad I got prompted to donate $20 to the league in the middle of the week. Lord knows I need more help to lose money gambling. Just so there can be no charges of corruption, I picked myself to lose and then won. Houston stunned Buffalo on Thursday night. Just days prior Josh Allen scored 6 TDs by himself and then they got stuffed. Then even more shockingly the Eagles lost to the Cowboys after being up 21 - 0 at the half. Even my friend who's a Cowboys fan bet the Eagles to cover. Let's get into the real fun though.

2 Flushes vs. Hot and Ready - Cold and Surprised

Did I wait to write a TTR until I magically won a game? Maybe. I'm just as surprised as all of you. I even tried my hardest to lose, I left my would-be top scorer Wan'Dale Robinson on the bench. That's a weird sentence to type out. Who could predict, on a random Sunday in November, that Jameis Winston and Wan'Dale Robinson would turn into prime Brady and Moss. Now that he's on my team, fill-in QB Jacoby Brissett has been quietly balling out for the last 6 weeks. Ever since he became the starter in Arizona he hasn't put up less than 21 points. We love a Black King. My 2nd highest scorer is tied between AJ Brown the prodigal son and Hunter Henry who I picked up last week. Jeff only needed 24 points between Rico Dowdle and George Kittle on Monday night to win. He got 20. This was Dowdle's worst game in a month. Them's the breaks kid. 

John Wick's Dog vs. Denmark Dream - Don't Wake Me I'm Not Dreaming

Not even JSN's monster game could save Josh from another loss this week. He doesn't have to worry about relegation, he's in my division, but still it's embarrassing to lose to a guy with three players who scored under 2 points. That's right, on the winning side of the ball T. Goods started Tuten, Jamo, and Tampa's kicker who combined for 2.7 points. He was bailed out by 2nd half Dak who dropped 32 points after getting his shit pushed in for 30 minutes. DJ Moore also decided to contribute for the 2nd game this season. T. Goods moves ahead of Jason but still well behind Trevor for first in the division. 

 Kupp Check vs. Vonmeeze4prez - The Check Cleared

Zak has finally gotten somewhere that Blas can't walk in on: the top of a GOATs division. Zak has taken down a once formidable team with stand out efforts from the speeding Rice and the Sun God. Wait, am I reading this correctly? The Cleveland Browns scored 24 points on defense? Are the Browns...good? Oh nevermind, they were playing the Raiders, everything makes sense again. Chris on the other hand has definitely had a fall from grace. Not quite Angel's level, but not good. In fact you know times are bad when Kareem Hunt was the #1 scorer on his team. Lamar couldn't even manage double digits. He did better than Baker though, but Zak won, so who cares? Chris remains tied with Jeff for a spot at the Jobu Bowl. 

Brevor's Better Half vs. Kiro' 2 Canes - Narrator: He Was Not In Fact The Better Half

This match was way closer than it should have been. Trevan needed BWC, I mean CMC to bail them out on Monday night. As stated earlier, Josh Allen got stuffed early for Thanksgiving and couldn't put his usual 30 points. No one else on the team felt like stepping up either. I wish I would have known to watch for this, I was too focused on keeping the swearing down every time Kittle caught a ball while watching with my family. On the losing side Brett got good efforts from Davante and Pickens. Danny Dimes and ETN also contributed 19 points each. How did he lose, no one on Trevan's team showed up? Oh, there we go, down at the bottom of the lineup. KYLE FUCKING PITTS. "Play Pitts and get the shits" everyone knows the rhyme, this is your own fault. See you in the Jobu Bowl. 

Price is Wrong Bitch vs. Swift On My Face - Inflation Is A Hell Of A Drug

Brandon, who has been the benefactor of being a very shitty division, got absolutely demolished this week. Jahmyr Gibbs scored more than: D'Andre Swift, Tyrone Tracy, Tez Johnson, CeeDee Lamb, Travis Kelce, Jake Elliott, and the Panthers Defense COMBINED. SONIC CALLED GAME. That doesn't even take into account Jalen Hurts scoring nearly 34 points. Also the Rams Defense put a shown against the Buccs on Aaron Donald Night. There hasn't been a contest this one-sided since the Indians vs. Smallpox.Now Brandon is on top of the division at 9-3 and Andrew is 7-5. However Andrew has the higher Points For, so if Brandon has another, typical, late season collapse, Andrew could sneak into the C Cup Bracket. 

Boys II Manchild vs. No Rum For Jobu - Chase Suspended, Team in Shambles

All it took was one little spitting incident and the wheels completely fell off. With Chase sitting on the bench Trevor was forced to start Aaron Jones. It's not just that though, #1 RB Jonathan Taylor was bottled up by the Chiefs for only 7.6 points. Tee Higgins got injured after only 5.6 points AND has already ruled out for next week. Is this the beginning of the end? Probably not, Trevor still would have won if he had started his namesake at QB. Jay had decided to employ the bold strategy of Bearmaxxing. He has three bears on his team including Caleb Williams, who was the high scorer this week. Colston Loveland had another impressive day and Kyle Monangai is also a player. This was Jay's best possible starting lineup this week, which is certainly not ideal, but it happened to get the job done. 

Worst Team

QB Baker 5.95

RB Swift 1.4

RB Tuten 1.7

WR Jamo 0

WR Jeudy 2.4

FLEX Pearsall 1.8

TE Andrews 1.6

K McLaughlin 1

DEF Lions 4

TOTAL 19.85

There are only two weeks left of the regular fantasy season. Time to lock in boys. Ignore those big booty latinas, quit spending time cooking up losing parlays, stop getting drunk and falling asleep at your computer (that's for me). It's go time!

ALL HAIL MANCHILD.