TTR - Week 15

TTR Week 15

The Quarter Finals

A lot of things about this league could be described as a shit show. Vegas in general, the draft specifically, The Rudy league, and the entirety of Manchild at times. This week the standings took center stage in our fecal performance. Is Angel in first or is J in first? Is the entire Moorpark house in the Heuvo? Is there no one from the Moorpark house in the Heuvo? What is the fate of our plucky young Indian? All these questions and more were laid bare on the Line app this week as the Commish and 0.5 sorted through the shit to determine the true and final standings. Angel once again comes out on top, because God has abandoned us. Andy is spared relegation (for now). The Moorpark house has been torn asunder and now opens up the possibility of housing BOTH trophies. If you looked up "shit-show" in the dictionary, you would get the opening paragraph of this TTR. Oh yeah and some NFL games were played this week to decide the first round of the fantasy playoffs. I'd say the fantasy games reflected the NFL ones. Half were unsurprising blowouts and half were close upsets. Let's sort through the shit

The Bed Wrestlers vs. The Bad Hombres - Winner: The Bad Hombres

Do you think God stays in heaven because he too lives in fear of what he's created? That's a question I find myself asking as Angel only continues to win. What I would hope would be a trend of losing after last week has not held. This game was over on Thursday night. Picking a mid-at-best Raiders defense against an obviously taking Chargers team was a stroke of genius. The Silver and Black turned the Chargers black and blue. At least we got some good memes from it. Angel got 28 points. CMC flopped his BWC all over the Cardinals to seal the deal. He gets yours truly this week. As for Garrett, I'm going to put as much effort into roasting you as you put into this League.

0.12 Is How We DU(I) vs. Boys II Manchild - Winner: 0.12 Is How We DU(I)

What a roller-coaster week it's been for J. First, he's living the dream and figuring out how he's going to spend his winnings as regular season champ and the next he's eliminated. J, you should have told your team it was the playoffs because Kyren Williams was the only one who showed up ready to play. The only other player who even scored double digits was xxxShortKing69xxx Kyler Murray who managed to put down the controller and attempt to play some football. The rest of your boys were just there to collect a paycheck. Usually, I try to dunk on Brevor as much as possible, but the thought of a guy showing up to DUI class while smoking a hookah had me laughing for several days. Your team is the epitome of "I'd rather be lucky than good". You inexplicably started Gabe Davis AGAIN, he put up a 0 AGAIN and you still scored 143 points and blew out your opponent. Don't blow all your luck before we get to Vegas. Your lineup is formidable considering you had down weeks from Swift and Chase. I hope they get Big Rona for our eventual meeting in the C-Cup.

MoBettaButta's (MBB) vs. John Wick's Dog - Winner: John Wick's Dog

Andy of full of sound and fury this week on the Line app, but ultimately it signified nothing. Not that I blame him, I'd be pissed if I thought I was fine and then got banished to the Heuvo. Eventually, all was made well and Andy got to lose in the first round as intended. Josh Allen continued his 16-week streak of being the highest scorer on Andy's team, however this time he only managed 16 points. He didn't need to work hard though because James "Let Him" Cook dropped a 40 burger and vulture all the goal-line work. Bijan also had a parting gift for Andy in the form of a negative score. Ouch. Great season though, you came back from the depths of hilarity to lose in the first round. Josh, great job. You deserve this after beating Angel last week. Gibbs is still feasting and in the absence of Josh McDaniels the Raiders have discovered that Devante Adams is pretty good at football. You've got the endorsement of the Commissioner and apparently, the blessing of Jobu, should be an interesting match next week. Let's see if this dog still has some bite in him.

Butt Plug vs. Travis My A$$ Hero - Winner: Butt Plug

If you had told me at the beginning of the season I'd playing Trevan in the playoffs I'd be excited but also shitting bricks. Their team looked like a runaway winner out of the gate. However, underperformance and bad luck has plagued this duo all season and the result is getting blown the fuck out in the first round. I was nervous going into the Thursday night game. The Raiders' defense is not exactly stout (outside the pass rush) and the Chargers have a lot of talent. I forgot one important thing though: Brandon Staley was still at the helm. It took all of America watching the Chargers Charger all over the screen for the organization to finally fire Staley. I expected it at halftime but they waited until the game was over. No Brandon, games like this just don't happen. That's a lot of words to say that Ekeler underperformed this week and it set the stage for the entire matchup. Trevan's team, like the Chargers has a ton of talent but it appears coaching is the issue. Deebo and Mixon were the only ones they could inspire to show up this week. Just like Staley you boys are fired. Better luck next year. What can I say for myself, even with Dak's worst game of the season I dropped 134 points. America's Team isn't going to play the Bills in the freezing rain every week. Get ready Angel, I'm coming for you! Your winning streak is over. You may be getting huge points from your white RB, but I've getting huge points out of the TE position. I've found the superior white boy, I have the high ground. It's over!

Kupp My Balls vs. Discount Double Choke - Winner: Kupp My Balls

I'd say that Zak has been sandbagging us all season the way he handled his first round in the Huevo, but he did still start Najee Harris. This week Zak was carried by his namesake as Cooper Kupp has finally showed up to play. This was just what the Rams needed and just what Zak needed. Ty Chandler and Rashee Rice both look like breakout stars late in the season. Hopefully, their teams are smart enough to keep using them. There are still major holes in the lineup, but this is good enough for government work. One more win keeps Zak in the GOATs. Matt, I want you to know you had the worst efficiency rating of the week. This means you left the most points on the bench. If you had made 2 changes you would have won and possibly saved yourself from relegation. For potentially the last time this season, you Discount Double Choked. I'm glad you didn't because now the funniest timeline is still in play. You "win" the Huevo and your roommates win the C-Cup.

Uncle Mooseknuckle vs. "Champ" Stamp - Winner: Uncle Mooseknuckle

Starting Flacco was a bold choice and it actually paid off. That's it, that's the only good thing I can say about the Commish's team. Every single player sucked shit and this was capped off by Dalton Kincaid's goose egg. Trevor was wrong (obviously) when he said this 45-point effort was the worst of all time, but it's certainly up there. Your only hope is that Stroud is back and Jobu guides your hand to start the right players. Although I am certainly excited about the possibility of you carrying the Huevo on a horse. Don't feel too bad though, even if you had played your ideal lineup you STILL would have lost. Blas' ideal lineup actually involves starting Jake Browning over Lamar Jackson which is a strange sentence to type out. Waddle also waddled so hard over the competition that he had the owner mimicking his dance moves. A win for Blas, a loss for anyone who had to watch that. One more week and you're safely still in the GOATS. I guess Blas finally did better.

Rudy

Jeff almost lost to Manny's extreme roster neglect, which I found amusing. In the end, T Good actually did lose because he didn't start Devante Adams, HAH.

Worst Team

QB: Dak 8.4

RB: Bijan -0.1

RB: Najee 1.3

WR: Gabe Davis 0

WR: Reek 0

FLEX: Flowers 1.2

TE: Kincaid 0

K: The  Young Ho 1

D/ST: Chargers 2

TOTAL: 13.8

Woof. Imagine starting any of these people, hahaha. We've reached the semi-finals and things are heating up.

• Angel vs. Grue

• Josh vs. Brevor

• AND

• The Huevo Bowl/The Matt Bowl

• The Commish vs. Matt E

One of these degenerates WILL be the champion. A Matt will be the Heuvo holder. There's a lot of uncertainty ahead and A LOT of football left to be played. Only one thing is certain...

ALL HAIL MANCHILD