TTR - Week 3

Football is a brutal game, every year we are reminded about the sacrifice of life and ligaments required to play this game. This week saw James Conner, CeeDee Lamb, Tyrone Tracy, Trevon Diggs, Nick Bosa and many, many more. What's great is that there is a waiver wire to replace these studs. What sucks is that the waiver wire consists entirely of people you've never heard of (and Elite Dragon Joe Flacco). 

2 Flushes vs. Kupp Check - The shit got flushed

Holy fucking shit, I never seen a more pathetic lineup in my entire life and I've been playing Fantasy Football since 2013. There's shit, there's sewer sludge, there's the Jobu league, and then there's this. Good Lord, do you know if you hadn't been asleep at the wheel you could have won this week instead of losing by 40 points? You actually have decent players on your team, not good ones obviously, but decent ones, but your room temperature IQ didn't allow you to start them. AJ Brown? Bench. Mark Andrews? Bench. David Montgomery? Bench. If you could stop eating crayons for one fucking second, maybe you could make good decision on who to start. Someone needs to call CPS, because someone's special needs child is on the loose setting fantasy lineups. You are the only, THE ONLY 0-3 team in the league. There's a 24 gallon barrel of silicone lube on Amazon, I would get to ordering now.

Grats Zak I guess. 

John Wick's Dog vs. Brevor's Better Half - Brett is right and I was wrong

I don't even know anymore. On paper, Josh should have won handily. However, Fantasy doesn't exist on paper, it exists on the field. There was the perfect storm of the Ravens Defense getting bent over and spanked, with belt, AND Goff doing fuck all. I'm done making fun of Brett, clearly he knows something I don't. Danny Dimes continues his revenge tour and CMC remains very much alive. Oh Brave New World. Your only downside is that Najee Harris died on live TV and Justin Herbert ignored him to keep the play alive. 

Price is Wrong Bitch vs. Swift On My Face - Price 

I'd like to give a shoutout to my boy Andrew (@AP). Not only because he's my only fan, but because having a player drop negative points AND still winning is peak Manchild. Our good friend John Parker Romo (no relation) put up -2 points for the Falcons in their blowout loss to the Panthers. Micheal Penix died for this! This is probably a MUCH different outcome if CeeDee doesn't die on the field in the first quarter, but such is life in fantasy football. I just want to formally warn Brandon, you lost AND your bench looks like my starting lineup. You're fucked buddy. 

Kirko' 2 canes vs. Denmark Dream - The Boys are Back in Town OR How I learned to love the Vikings

What's neat is that Trevan also shit the bed on making a lineup and ALSO started some Star Wars Named Nobody over a stud Eagles WR but they won anyway. Neat game. I like that the only players to score over 20 points, in this entire match up, starters and bench, are Josh Allen and the Vikings defense. T. Goods benched DJ Moore and if anyone has learned anything this week, it's that you ABSOLUTELY DO NOT bench an underperforming WR1. Sucks to suck, or maybe it doesn't. Looking to next week, T. Goods has the pleasure of meeting Brett's unstoppable force. Enjoy your time in GOATs, I'll buy you a shot when we descend to the Jobu. 

Vonmeez4prez vs. Cam Little Caesars - Hot and Ready - More like cold and waiting amirite???

You guys don't know this, but once upon a time, Jeff was my sponsor. So I will refrain from tearing up his lineup, bench, and team. All I want to say is that, just like Shane Gillis, the downs definitely nicked Skattebo, and you better start that glue-huffing meat missile for the rest of the season. CHRIS, grats on another win, I'm glad that you're proving you don't need the overall RB1 and RB2 to win games. The Sun God has blessed you with another win, although you didn't really need him because the Broncos D remains elite. Your RBs this year are a bit sketch, but Lamar and your WR core are more than enough to make up for it. PS, if you win again, make sure to buy some Diet Coke for ya boy. A man can only drink so much Jamo. 

Boyz II Manchild vs No Rum for Jobu - Why is the rum gone?

It really is the 90s again. Boys II Men performed the national anthem and Jonathan Taylor (Thomas) is relevant again. JTT dropped 31 points on the (so called) Titans. It's interesting that J's only standout player was Caleb Williams. A man that is so deep in the closet that he thought he would show off his nails done by Angel Reese's nail technician. Somehow that is more gay than having sex with a man. Jason, unlike my bullshit team, you don't have anyone on the bench that you should have started. Jobu buddies? Sorry Trevor, I forgot to mention that Scary Terry was also injured, although it's not confirmed that it's season-ending. Hopefully the old man can be an inspiration to us all and come back. You've got a solid lineup, you better hope the gods don't require a sacrifice from your team though. 

Rudy/Jobu/Whatever

See you soon.

Worst Team

QB: Goff 14.7

RB: Brown 4

RB: Stevenson 3.1

WR: Lamb 0 

WR: Nabers 2.3

TE: Kraft 4.4

FLEX: Higgins 2 

K: John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmitt -2

Def: Ravens 0

TOTAL: 28.5

I think this is the highest score for the Worst Team in a while. This has been the most depressing week for me in a while. At least for fantasy. Err I mean life. However, we carry on, we pick up our meat and we look to next week. It's a rhyme,I promise. 

ALL HAIL MANCHILD.