TTR - Week 4

The shit rolls on. Another week brings more heartache, more injuries, more busted parlays and more broken dreams. I guess it's not all bad though. There's a crisp breeze in the air. The Rams recovered after a brutal loss to the Eagles to hand the Colts their first loss. Some people DID hit their parlays. Sometimes, when you reach your hand out in the morning to see if your woman is mad at you, a titty falls out. Sometimes, good things do happen. Not that I would know shit about that. 

John Wick's Dog vs. 2 Flushes - Toilet's sill clogged

Clearly nothing was learned last week was it? Goddam you are the most pathetic piece of shit owner this league has seen in years. You wouldn't know a good starting lineup if it bit your ass off. This is yet another week where you could have won if you had a modicum of common sense. Modicum means "a small quantity" you knuckle-dragging troglodyte. Javonte has been one of the most constant backs and an absolute steal in the draft and your dumb ass benched him. AJ Brown has 1 great game and you shove him in the limelight again? Will you start any idiot who scores a TD? Xavier Worthy is back, but I bet you didn't even notice you were too busy watching John Cena highlights and making grilled cheeses. Your only saving grace was grabbing the Houston defense who shut out the Titans, good job, you managed to eat 1 less crayon than Cam Skattebo. At least he's a lovable halfwit though and I bet his fantasy team is doing better. Someone take this man to Vegas, and then bet the opposite of everything he does. Also, drop and give me 20 pushups before next week, not that it will help, but those Crayolas are quite fattening.

Grats Josh I guess.

Kupp Check vs Boys 2 Manchild - Zak is week high again

Zak dominates yet again and although he missed week high, it was pretty close. Bijan continues his dominance as the true 1-1, Egbuka is looking like rookie of the year, and Harbaugh is going to feed Omarion until he pukes. It's really hard to beat that. Just for good measure the Bo Nix to Courtland Sutton stack looks like the one to own. Sorry J., it's nothing personal. Even if you started a perfect lineup you still would have lost. Given the point discrepancy, I'd say you should have started Justin Fields over Caleb Williams, but there is no universe where you should obviously start Justin Fields. Better luck next week. 

Brevor's Better Half vs. Denmark Dream - New Week High King

There's a lot of crazy stuff about this game. Brett would have beaten 7 / 11 other teams in Manchild this week. T. Goods got the week high somehow. His score would have been even higher if he had started Dak of all people. Weird timeline. I imagine at some point this was a close matchup, but there wasn't enough chatter during the weekend about it to register. I like the fact that Deebo is still having good games, it gives hope to us old guys. Brett, sorry about Nabers, should have known he was going to get injured this week. You just need to locate the mystical research that our intrepid Commish hides from us to know this sort of information beforehand. Fear not. I will lead us bravely into the Jobu. 

Price is Wrong Bitch vs. Cam Little Caesars - Shitty pizza, lucky team

He did it, this son of a bitch actually did it, he started TWO Kickers in a row with negative points. I'll be damned, I thought I had a monopoly on losing but this motherfucker is out there discovering new, unexplored, ways to lose fantasy football. Also, there was a game in Dublin, Ireland this week. That's 8 hours ahead of PST. Just check your phone while your kid is crying in the middle of the night. This league takes devotion, do you have it? Jeff, your entire team sucks except Bucky. Drake Maye was playing the Panthers so his points don’t really count. I'd be very concerned if I were you. Unless you're playing me next week, then congrats on a free win. 

Swift on My Face vs. Vonmeeze4prez - Champ -> chump

Damn, I'd rather lose by 40 (which I did) than lose by 0.25. The loss counts the same but at least with a big loss I can pretend there was nothing I could do. Chris, if only you had started the OTHER backup RB (Emanuel Wilson) over the backup RB you actually started (Trey Benson) you would have won. This is all fun and games, but the real news is that Lamar shit the bed. He just didn't wait for the playoffs to do it this time. Brandon's reign of terror over the Skeez Pit continues. It would be a shame though if something happened to that lead. It would be a shame if Brandon choked away another good start wouldn't it? That would never happen though...

Kirko' 2 Canes vs. No Rum For Jobu - 2 canes, more than 3 canes amirite???

Josh Allen once again bails out Trevan with high-end talent. The Saints may have given every Buffalo survivor pick a scare for a while, but in the end, the Saints did not go marching in. JJ continues to get his, no matter who is throwing the ball and ETN continues to be the steal of the draft. Is DUVAAAL for real??? Probably not. Trevan also gets praise for picking up USC Trojan Woody Marks. I am willing to overpay for this man in a trade, just saying. With ALLLL of this said though, you really only won because the Jets poached a cheetah and national television. Yes, Tyreek Hill had his leg bend in a way God never intended. Trevor...just take to heart that this was the best you could have done this week, and you still lost. Does that feel better? I wouldn't know, that's why I'm asking. At least you're still in 1st place in your shitty division. 

Jobu League

Thanks for reading. L Bozo. Also, HAHAHAHAHAHA, imagine losing by 0.4? Holy shit I'd break my TV. 

Worst Team

QB: L. Jackson 13.15

RB: D. Montgomery 1.2

RB: J. Warren 0

WR: AJ Brown: 1.7

WR: Nabers 3.0

FLEX: Ladd 1.6

TE: J. Johnson 4.3

K: Sly - 2

DEF: Packers 2

TOTAL:  24.95

It's funny to me that after QB, the TE position had the 2nd highest score on the shit list this week. What's not funny to me is that I'm 0-4. Has there ever been a Manchild perfect season? Also if people could post their winning parlays BEFORE the games start so us losers could tail, that would be great, thanks. Regardless,

ALL HAIL MANCHILD.