TTR - Week 7

To "Beautiful Day" by U2

It’s a beautiful day, the ball falls

You feel like, It’s a beautiful day,

Your matchup’s gone your way

You’re on the board, but you’ve got no clear formation

You’re in the mud, in the mess of your roster station

You love this league even when it breaks you in two

You’ve played all season, and it’s been playin’ you too

It’s a beautiful day, the ball falls

You feel like, It’s a beautiful day,

Your matchup’s gone your way

Today is a great day you guys, the sun is shining, birds are chirping, there's a gentle autumn breeze in the air. All is right with the world. Except if you're Mike Evans I suppose who just broke his fucking collarbone. Also for half you who lost this week, likely on Monday night. Anyway, it's the dawn of a new era in Fantasy Football and there are about to be big changes. 

2 Flushes vs. Brevor's Better Half - It's over, it's finally over

Let this be a lesson, NOBODY beat Grue in fantasy football seven times in a row! While I'm sad that I'll miss out on the record for longest losing streak, I'm optimistic that I'm still in the running for the worst record. Absolutely nobody is happier than me that AJ Brown is back. Even though his first TD was on a broken play where Jalen just chucked the ball down the sideline, a win is a win. I just can't believe I started him on a day he balled out. The Herbert to Allen connection is alive and well. Even if the Chargers ended up Chargering, they still went nuts. Honestly, I didn't even watch the 2nd half of the Houston game. I was sure that KWIII was going to run wild, score 3 TDs and hand me my 7th loss. That did not happen though. Anyway, onto the topic of mid. Mid does not mean the worst, it doesn't even really mean bad. Mid is a girl you'd take home after 4 drinks, not the one you'd take home after 10. Mid is a Midwest 6, an Ohio 8 or a California 3. With that out of the way, Brett's team has some nice assets like Adams, Pats Defense, and Danny Dimes. It also has some acne and an unibrow: Chubb and Grupe. It's mid, see you in the Toilet Bowl.

THE PRICE IS FINALLY RIGHT AGAIN

Andrew only needed the first four players to beat Josh this week. He also tells me he "only needs 4 inches to please a woman, so more would be wasteful" but I'm sure that's a coincidence. His entire team came together to score the most points this week. If he had started Travis Hunter instead of Oduzne he'd have had season high. I'm just glad Andrew found a real kicker, although I've never heard of Andres Borregales. I don't even know how to pronounce it. Don't care. Josh, don't feel too bad, even if you started a perfect lineup, you did not, you still wouldn't have won. While Olave's 22 points on the bench were wasted, it wouldn't have mattered. Saquon, Kyren, and Goedert really shit the bed this week. Hey, you were apparently a great host for the Meat Off though. Probably need some more baby oil next time though. 

Kupp Check vs. No Rum For Jobu - ALL RUM TO JOBU

Zak you win in the bro department. I appreciate you cheering my garbage pile team on during the Monday night game. Unfortunately we're in a 0 BP league so you don't get anything for Bro Points. You done got raped. It happens. One minute you're enjoying a nice community shower with the boys and the next minute you're taking a semi-truck up your "exit only" ramp. Trevor continues his reign of terror with another huge game from Chase and an even bigger game of Taylor. Tee Higgins also humbly dropped 18 points, the only miss was the Steelers defense. Will this ever end? 

Swift on my Face vs. Boys II Manchild - Boys II Manhandled

Who the fuck only puts up 64 points? That's so embarrassing, only a total loser would do that. I usually go through the scores with a fine toothed comb to get Worst Team, but I think we found it. 7.6 points from the QB position? Yuck. You should have started Austrian pop star Kylie Minogue, you still would have lost, but it would have been better. Also the Chargers lost, everyone keep J in your prayers this week. In the age of streaming music, Brandon managed to find Swift's new album on Cee Dee. Get it? You have to have a certain level of intelligence to get all my clever puns in the TTR. Grats Brandon, keep it up, you may be our only hope against Trevor. 

Kirko 2 Canes vs. Denmark Dream - Denmark Nightmare

CMC had another monster game, however he barely edged out...the Browns defense, what the fuck? Yes, they had 4 sacks, 3 INTs, a scoop and a TD. Holy shit, Mike McDaniel needs to hike up his capris, run off the field and just keep running. Do you know that in 7 weeks of football teams where the head coach wears capri pants are 1-13? Anyway, that was enough to send T. Goods back to the loser column. Oh damn, I just saw T. Goods had not one but two guys who got 0 points. Evans who fell into the shadow realm and Jamo who, well, sucks. That's two goose eggs, you're out here making goose omelettes man. That's wild, maybe don't do that, good luck with all the bye weeks and injuries though. 

VonMeez4Prez vs. Hot&Shitty - Champ wins again

You know who's hot, ready, and also extremely disappointing? No, not me, George Kittle. This bizarre yet talented man is finally back after his stint on the IR and what does he do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! 0 catches on 2 targets and I think he blocked a guy. It's okay though, Chris ALSO had a guy get 0 points, and you'll never guess who it is, the OTHER Niner tight end. That's right, in this single matchup, two 49ers tight ends were started and they combined for a total of 0 points. Goodman I love fantasy football, that's amazing. The difference in the matchup though is that Chris had decent play from up and down the rest of his lineup and Jeff only had two guys decide to show up. Jeff also has the most white guys on his team. Make of that what you will. 

WORST TEAM

QB Williams 7.6

RB JCM 3.8

RB Spears 5.5

WR Evans 0

WR Jamo 0

FLEX Tongas 0

TE Kittle 0

K Grupe 1

DEF Steelers 4

TOTAL: 21.9

Incredible work guys, starting four people who got 0s. Were you all too busy stuffing each other's meat in your mouths? I'm just kidding, I was bummed I had double-booked and missed out. I would gladly stuff all of your meat in my mouth any time. I will be there at the golf tourney. That's a warning to Blas and all Tierra Rejada golf carts. 

ALL HAIL MANCHILD