TTR - Week6

I don't know about you guys, but I look at different people's starting lineups and I have legitimate questions about who the fuck these people are. This week was a real bitchwasn't it? So many people injured you gotta start people who you just learned about yesterday. If you have to start: Austin Seibert, Khalil Shakir, Tucker Kraft, Trey Sermon, Wan'Dale Robinson, or Braelon Allen,  you're probably not having a good time. The standings are more solidified now. If you're top-tier, it shows now, if you're in the garbage tier, like me, it's also clear. 

Kupp Check vs. Razor Bearclaw Stinger: Winner - Kupp Check

Jeff's dominance has been diminished. Slightly. Zak had his best week yet dropping the highest score in the league. It could have been even MORE ridiculous had ETN actually done something. He posted 132 points including a man who got 0. Impressive. Lucky for Zak, he couldn't possibly have fucked this up, everyone else is dead or on bye. That's right, this was the Dolphins bye week and Zak dominated. He stops playing all his Dolphins and his team thrives. Hrmmm.  RBS had his worst week with most of his players posting single digits. He also couldn't do any better since most of his bench is either on bye or sucks. Tell the boys to shake it off and get ready for next week. 

Brevor's Better Half vs. Kirko' 2 Canes: Winner - Kirko' 2 Canes

It should have been a revenge game for Brett after their last matchup, instead, it turned into a revenge game for Trevan for the trade rape. The really sad part is that if Brett had played Allen Lazard instead of Alec Pierce, he could have watched his team ascend to victory on Monday night in a thrilling fashion, instead of watching his team lose to Josh Allen, on Monday night, AGAIN. It's a cruel, cruel world. Also, welcome to the 0 club. It's a club for people whose players score 0. We commit group suicide on Wednesday night at the dumpster behind Chili's. Trevan continues to celebrate Spooktober by trotting out Scary Terry and he continues to do his part by delivering spooky treats every week. 

Puka Nacua Matata vs. John Wick's Dog: Winner - Who do you think?

I think the over/under on Josh's score was 50 and sadly he hit the over. Aaron Rodgers balled out in the Big Apple and cooked up a tasty hail mary to end the half. Insane to watch live. He was also getting roughing-the-passer calls like he's 2012 Tom Brady. He balled a little too close to the sun though and uncorked a real classic: a game-ending interception. Everyone else on Josh's team took the short bus to the game. Moss, Shaheed, and Gesicki combined for 1.8 points. Love to see that. Even while the Lions were ruining Jerry Jones's 111th birthday, Jamyr Gibbs only managed 10 points. Cory could have played any combination of players, on a bye week or not, and still won. 

Catalina Wine Mixon vs. Vonmeez4Prez: Winner - Vonmeez4Prez

Don't let Josh's historic bad week distract you from the fact that Brandon's team ALSO shit the bed. Had his team's namesake not had an incredible game he could have had the worst score. You know how I mentioned the Lions embarrassing the Cowboys on national television, well our boy Brandon happened to start Dak and he got pulled in the 3rd quarter. It was...less than ideal. To my great surprise, there is a man named Braelon Allen who apparently plays RB for the Jets. To no one's surprise, he did nothing. On the other side, King Henry exists and has found the fountain of youth so that he never ages. He is back to banishing defenders to the shadow realm like it's 2019. With the addition of CD ROM, Chris has a solid-looking team going forward. Let's see who has the unfortunate luck of having to play him next week. Oh yeah, I do. Fuck. 

2 Flushes vs. The Bed Wrestler: Winner - The Bed Wrestlers

I should just roll dice to determine who I start, it'd be better than my current strategy. There are a number of combinations where I could have won, and I chose the one where I lost. Olave, Goedert, and Mooney combined for 4 points and Mooney scored 5 of them. 

 (I had an entire paragraph of emo whining about my bad luck in fantasy football, life in general, the economy, and 9/11, but I deleted it for the better of the TTR.)

 On the other side, Garrett had a fine week, I guess. Although starting Trey Sermon over Tyler Allgeier was certainly a choice. Glad I could give you the much-needed win my guy. Garrett remains as the king of Shit Mountain in the division. 

The Bad Hombres vs. Boys II Manchild: Winner - Boys II Manchild

Angel only has good weeks against me, it's fine, it's cool, I love it. Jerome's Ford finally bit the dust in dramatic fashion, as all Fords eventually do. Mike Evans went back into hibernation and let Godwin get all the good, good touchdowns this week. DK Metcalf had a 50-yard touchdown recalled on a meaningless holding play. The good news though is that Brock Bowers is good and likely to see more usage with Devante going to New York. For Jason another day at the office. Justin Fields, AJ Brown, and Garrett Wilson all scored at least 20 points. Mark Andrews even decided to be useful for once this season and catch his first touchdown. Jason always finds a way to make a run in the playoffs. It'll probably happen again. 

Worst Team

QB Dak - 7

RB ETN - 0

RB Moss - 0

WR Olave - (-1)

WR Pierce - 0

FLEX Marvin Harrison Jr. - 0

TE Goedert - 0

K Bass - 3

D Colts - 2

TOTAL:  11 Fucking points

Not as bad as that Cowboys fan I found and originally posted in the Line App, but still miserable. I think, depending on the Colts matchup, this is a team that someone would actually start. I didn't even have to cheat and use a 2nd TE for the Flex spot. Dreadful, just like this week. I hope we never have another week like this. I hope we never stop saying

ALL HAIL MANCHILD